Number Four

My name is on the wall
of an Ohio University English Department
ladies room
(or so I’m told)
but not following a quote
(though that is success)
and not for a good time
(though that is success)
but as
Number Four
out of four (no, not five)
(no, not three)
of the (apparently definitive) list of
The Top Assholes at OU (Vol. 1, 2009)
which could be success
(if I was top three)
(and if my name was spelled right)
but fourth place is always a little insulting
(you don’t even get a trophy)
and I wonder
what I did (or didn’t do)
to turn this author from
a girl taking a crap
to a Sharpie wielding
asshole expert.